Disturbing Equines

Tonight on TSC: The Horse With Two Faces

2011-02-23T11:46:00.003-05:00

I saw a stuffed two-headed calf on History Channel's "Oddities"...yeah, it kind of looked like this.

Cute AND Disturbing

2011-02-14T13:25:00.001-05:00

Dragon-unicorn-cow???

Imitation Isn't Always Flattering

2010-12-17T15:29:00.001-05:00

This is a copy of the Breyer Stablemate Thoroughbred Mare the same way the mutated clones of Ripley in "Alien 3" were copies of Sigourney Weaver!

Thanks to Jennifer P., who has a lot of Disturbing Equines apparently!

Playing With Mommy's Makeup, or MURDER

2010-12-17T15:28:00.002-05:00

Jury's still out as to whether that's lipstick or blood!

Thanks to Jennifer P. again!

Wrong Way Wainright

2010-12-17T15:26:00.003-05:00

Backwards Knees, it's what's hot this season!

Thanks to Jennifer P. for this disturbing equine!

Is That A Leg Or Are You Happy To See Me?

2010-12-17T13:40:00.003-05:00

I hope that's just a mis-placed leg...I really, sincerely hope that's all it is!

Thanks to Jennifer P. for this great find!

Aaaargggghllllll....Doughnuts...

2010-11-05T14:31:00.002-04:00

"Marge! I want to snuggle!"

Bristling Mad

2010-11-05T14:30:00.002-04:00

He'd be either very comfy to ride bareback...or fatal!

STELLLLLLAAAAAAAAA!

2010-11-05T14:28:00.003-04:00

Greatly suffering injured horse? Evil undead spawn from hell emerging from the grave? Victim of an icy cold rectal thermometer?

Git A LONNNNNNNG Little Dogie

2010-11-05T14:27:00.002-04:00

Must be a Saddlebred.

You Talkin' To Me? Are ya huh?

2010-11-05T14:26:00.003-04:00

I think it's the pugnacious underbite that telegraphs all sorts of 'tude!

SQUEEEEEEEEEE

2010-11-05T14:23:00.004-04:00

It's sooo keeeeyooooooot! I bet it'd just prance and dance right up to your face and entertain you with its sweet cuteness....right before it RIPS YOUR THROAT OUT!

Hey There, Lover Boy....

2010-05-19T13:26:00.003-04:00

Do you like what you see? Do you?

I sure don't!

Love Those Leather Bell-Bottoms

2010-05-18T14:26:00.002-04:00

Grooovy, baby!

Malformed Proto-Humanoid Bronco Buster

2010-05-18T14:24:00.003-04:00

Actually the rider's more disturbing than the horse. I am reminded of the bad guy in the original "Robocop" movie who gets the big tank of caustic toxic waste dumped on him and his face melts away....yeah, kind of like that.

Hey There, Big Boy

2010-05-18T14:23:00.003-04:00

Looking for a little fun, Sailor?

Who wouldn't want to spend some quality time with a sexy leopard-spotted gal on wheels!

Mares In Bondage

2010-05-18T14:20:00.002-04:00

More of a "Disturbing Tack" posting, this just made me giggle. It's like they belong in some sort of equine bondage video, or else as evil steeds in a He-Man/Masters of the Universe cartoon!

Shiny...and red!

But she's Happy, what's it to ya???

2009-12-18T16:15:00.003-05:00

Actually, that's about what my real horse looks like about mid-February!

Not the kind of treats I get...

2009-12-18T16:14:00.003-05:00

...when I flick MY horse's tail!
That's "MISTER" Horse to YOU!

Hey, Why'd You Name Your Horse Dog D!ck?

2009-12-18T16:13:00.003-05:00

I Dunno, it just seemed to fit.

Dunno what's more disturbing.

2009-12-18T16:12:00.002-05:00

The horse, or the lampshade!

If you really hate horses...

2009-12-18T16:11:00.003-05:00

Think of the fun you'll have snapping them in the nose every time you want to turn on the lights!

If Wallace and Gromit had a horse...

2009-12-18T16:10:00.003-05:00

This would probably be what it would look like!

Hm....boobs on a horse. O-kay.

Small Pox is Never Pretty

2009-12-18T16:08:00.002-05:00

Especially as bulging red pustules on a pink horse's butt!!

What Happens When You Breed an Alien with Hidalgo?

2009-12-18T14:31:00.002-05:00

This. Unfortunately. I wonder if he bleeds acid.

Yeah, if you're Marilyn Manson!

2009-11-25T16:21:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas! And what better way to celebrate than with a family of Goth Holiday Horsies!
This set can be yours for a mere $140 BIN on eBay! Don't all rush now!

Spotted Pig-Horse

2009-10-31T13:09:00.002-04:00

They say the Tapir is related to the Horse. Seeing this thing, I believe it!

Thanks to Suzanne Feld for this Dollar Store Beauty!

From the Fu-Glii Dynasty

2009-10-30T08:53:00.003-04:00

Showing that Disturbing is International, this is a souvenir direct from Mainland China! Marxism = Disturbing Equines!

GYAARRRRRR!

Thanks to StockStillStables on Model Horse Blab for this, er, contribution!

Tick Toc Cheap Schlock

2009-10-23T13:10:00.003-04:00

A lovely resin horse-clock whose tail waves back and forth in time with the seconds! What does it do, poop at the top of the hour???

Duuuurrrrrrrr

2009-08-07T22:53:00.004-04:00

"I like stuff...duuuuurrrrrh...."

(I guess it's the brown foamy stuff that disturbs me...almost as much as the slack, malformed lower lip)

Seeing Spots Can Be A Symptom Of Brain Damage!

2009-08-07T22:48:00.004-04:00

So can seeing flattened ears, impossibly bent necks, noodle boneless legs, ridiculous tails, and spotting like no living creature on earth could sport!

It's even more fearsome in close-ups!

Either it's got a case of "The Snots", or had been eating the shaving cream again!

So, Timmy...Do You Like Gladiator Movies?

2009-08-07T22:46:00.002-04:00

Disturbing...on many levels.

YARRRRRRGH!

2009-08-07T22:38:00.002-04:00

I HAVE TEETH!! YARRRRRRGH!

The rest of me is freaky-scary too! YARRRRGH!

Starved Old Nags Revisted

2009-08-07T22:32:00.004-04:00

I still can't figure out the appeal of depicting old, decrepit, starving abused neglected glue-factory bound nags as a decorative items. But somebody bought them, somebody got paid to make 'em...that's even more disturbing than the ole' nags!

Saggy and ribby at the same time!

And the other side...

And THIS is a first (for me)...a bony old nag with a bony old rider!!

So disturbing, he's kinda cute!

Feed 'em Oats, Not Spaghetti

2009-08-07T22:30:00.003-04:00

A diet high in linguini is the only explanation for those back legs!

Multiple Big-Headed Horses!!

2009-08-07T22:28:00.002-04:00

When ONE isn't disturbing enough, how about an entire herd of big-headed equines that for some reason, remind me of Bing Crosby. Don't ask why, because I don't know.

I WANT to Wuv U!!!

2009-08-07T22:24:00.003-04:00

DESPERATELY!!

A Logical Combination

2009-08-07T22:21:00.003-04:00

Seriously...Cowboys...and Horses... I can't imagine why it makes me want to scream and run away!

FORE! SALE!

2009-08-07T22:11:00.004-04:00

Yep, if I were a giftware designer, first thing that would come to my mind is a horse playing golf! You too?

What's with the Brian Kilmead bobblehead in the background. Huh.

Are you going to smoke me or not?

2009-08-07T22:07:00.003-04:00

Nothing like your smoking implement giving you the stink-eye!

Urrrrgh! Hulk-Horse Angry!!!

2009-08-07T22:05:00.003-04:00

Words cannot be found. Sorry.

Fink Plamingos?

2009-08-07T21:56:00.001-04:00

Hm...I THINK they're supposed to be horses...

Pull Tape From My Butt!

2009-06-16T12:42:00.002-04:00

And tear it off on my head!

JOHN! MARY!

2009-06-16T12:41:00.000-04:00

Oooohhhhh John! Oooooooh Mary! Ohhhhhh John! Ooooooh Mary!!

A Hunker Hunker Burning Love

2009-03-27T08:54:00.003-04:00

A timely DE, as we all must hunker down in these trying economic times!

Disturbingly Cute

2009-03-25T16:17:00.004-04:00

This would be kinda cute if it didn't look like it was crossed with Frankenstein's Pit Bull!

Amazing Wooden Articulated Horse From Hell

2009-03-25T16:15:00.003-04:00

I wanted one of these when I was in art school...granted, not one quite so disturbing!

I'm so Pretty, and so Disturbing!

2009-03-25T16:14:00.003-04:00

A Bratz Horz cross-bred with a Barbie Horse and partially cloned into an Aardvark embryo. That's the best I can come up with!

Hmmm. Someone's allergic and has to stay away from horses?

2009-03-25T16:12:00.003-04:00

The perfect solution if you want to ride a horse, yet stay as far away from them as possible!

A Celebration of the Funrise Company

2009-03-25T15:43:00.008-04:00

I'd never heard of the Funrise Company when I was a kid, but I tell you, I would have KILLED to have these fun little horsies in my carpet herd! They're bloated and lumpy and odd and have oversized genitals, but they're COOL! In a disturbingly fun sort of way.

Funrise Warmblood (it's trotting, and it's brown. Ergo, a warmblood!)

Tennessee Walking Horses! Well...they're walking...and they're horses! Works for me!

Guess what this is. If you guessed a Turkoman, hey, you're right!!! One nice feature of the Funrise horses is that they print the breed's name on the toy's belly, so even if you look at one and go "WTF is THAT supposed to be?" you can flip it over and it'll tell you!

This one's not so easy to guess. Unless you guessed Thoroughbred!

Hmm...let's see...pinkish purply-grey...weird splayed back legs...heavy edema in the lower legs, why, it must be a Funrise Sicilian Horse! Heck, we all knew THAT, didn't we?

A beautiful pair of Shires! It's the odd fat telescoping necks that give it away, isn't it?

Okay, I don't want to read any complaints about solid-legged tobiano Pintos, and the Funrise Company doesn't want to hear it either!

Keeping it simple, these are just called Palominos. Cute little black-dot nostrils though!

Funrise Mustang (gee, a Mustang that's not rearing, what's with that?)

A pair of Morgans, according to the Funrise Company.

Why bother sculpting a piece into a cool pose like a Levade or Piaffe, when you can portray your Lipizzan model standing on all fours?

No, not Strawberry Shortcake's horse, unless she rides a Knabstrupper!

This one just screams "Akhel Teke"!!!! Too bad Funrise calls it an Icelandic Horse! With a dog dinky!

This little fella's so homely he's cute, with his fat little feet and swollen face and little black piggy eyes. All the more enduring for a Highland Pony.

I'm ashamed to admit I have no idea what a Dunord is, but Funrise says this is one, so, enjoy.

Cute little red dun Brumby!

A Breton, the beef cow of the horse-eating world!

A Batak...another new one on me!

Okay, now I know they're smoking something at Funrise...this is supposed to be an Arabian! Yeah, easily identifiable as such guys. Guess they don't have many Arabians over there! Of course there's also the possibility that the eBay seller who had these listed made a mistake. Too bad I sold off all my Funrises or I could double-check.

Yaaah, this one's easy! Appaloosa with cute little spats!

And the magnificent Andalusian!

Last but not least, and in reverse alphabetical order, the famous Albino! Why his hooves are black, I don't know, unless he's heading for a horse show!

Thank you Funrise Company, for entertaining horse-crazy kids over the decades!

It's Eating Me! It's EEEEEEATING MEEEEE!!!!

2009-03-24T16:20:00.003-04:00

Proof that Disturbing Equines have been around a long, long time! I wonder how much this carnivorous duo did bring at auction?

Whatchoo Lookin' At???

2009-03-20T13:57:00.003-04:00

Part Clydesdale, part Peeping Tom!

Super Idea, Meh Execution

2008-12-23T09:45:00.003-05:00

This is a cool idea...the Breyer Merrylegs pony, remade into a bowing Unicorn. Cool, except for the disturbingly jointless rubbery forelegs and the non-weight-bearing left hind leg! Biomechanics, people, are your friends!!!

Jeepers Creepers, Where'd You Get Them Peepers

2008-11-18T10:48:00.002-05:00

From a recent eBay auction...and the seller even points out the distinctive windows of the soul on this hapless thing! Bleeesh!

Purdy Pickle Pony

2008-08-26T14:18:00.001-04:00

A truly dreamy creation by none other than Jackie Huey!

Handicraft or HandiCrap

2008-08-08T16:29:00.003-04:00

I had some trepidations about posting this one, since the person did work very hard on them, but then, they're just wire-wrapped glitter-coated SAFARI horses, for gosh sakes. So here they are to shock and awe:

The googly blue bead eyes are a nice touch:

Unspeakably Disturbing

2008-08-08T16:26:00.004-04:00

I'll give the good folks at ShopGoodwill.com credit; they harbored about one of the dang most disturbing equines in this entire blog!

"Hidey Ho, Good Neighbor! I'm Lenny, The Mutant Pig-Horse! How you-all are!"

No bids on his auction yet. Wonder why.

An Oldie But Goodie

2008-08-08T16:22:00.004-04:00

C'mon, who didn't at least WANT one of these kits!! I sure did, but had to settle for the "Visible Man" who provided entertainment for hours on end. I think I still have his skull somewhere around the house.

But O, I did want this, because, well, duuh, it's a HORSE!

Look, it comes with a big bag o' bones and plastic guts! How fun could that be!

Yummm....Vital Organs! I can't tell if this is a boy or a girl horse though... not from those vital organs anyway. (come to think of it, the Visible Man didn't have any special vital organs...but the Visible WOMAN did)

Of course, assembly is required. I wonder how many veterinarians got one of these when they were kids!

Puppets Are Disturbing No Matter What The Subject

2008-08-08T16:20:00.003-04:00

There's something off-putting about any kind of puppet, but these are spectacularly so.

shopgoodwill.com, your source for disturbing equines!

More Dead Horses

2008-08-05T14:11:00.003-04:00

The Marx Company Strikes Again!

I'll admit, I would have killed to have these when I was a kid!! And they WERE available back then, but we opted for the Marx Cape Kennedy rocket ship playset instead of the Civil War set. Maybe my parents saw the dead horses and didn't think it'd be such a great idea. They were probably right.

Don't Blame Me, I Didn't Create This One

2008-08-01T19:34:00.004-04:00

I believe the person who did this lives in Europe. That might explain a lot!

Old Man Breyer is spinning in his grave!

Only thing that puzzles me...

2008-08-01T12:41:00.002-04:00

Is how big is the rider's butt for that saddle!

BLOATIES!

2008-08-01T12:34:00.004-04:00

Bloaties are a unique model horse phenom, where plastic models do not have a vent hole and are exposed to extreme hot temperatures. The heated air has no place to go, so the model expands! When one of these special horses appears on the horizon, it's a rare collector who will welcome them into their collections!

Breyer "Romer" with a new, expanded look:

Breyer "John Henry" beautifully bloated:

Breyer Family Arabian Stallion, exhibiting the unique neck distortion of many bloaties:

And THE most famous bloaty of all, THE Bloaty:

Bad enough it's a painted rock

2008-08-01T12:33:00.002-04:00

Guess they had to fill up that empty space somehow...

Okay...I'm seriously weirded out by this one

2008-08-01T12:32:00.003-04:00

Yeah, I want THAT sitting on the edge of my monitor, looking at me...always looking at me...

Hell, I'd be smiling too!!!

2008-08-01T12:31:00.004-04:00

All those Ming Dynasty pottery horses had to come from somewhere!!!

Etchy...or Yecchy

2008-07-31T14:48:00.002-04:00

The tack is almost as disturbing as the ringworm infesting this poor thing!

Guess What This Was

2008-07-31T14:47:00.003-04:00

Right now it's a crabby evil blue-eyed Llama!

And no, it wasn't a FAS....but it WAS a popular model horse before looking like something that rolled on the floor of a barber shop!

You put your right hoof out, you put your right hoof in

2008-07-31T14:45:00.003-04:00

You put your right hoof out and shake it all around...do the Hokey Pokey...yadda yadda!

And yes, I do believe this used to be a FAS! But hey, look how happy he is!

Here's a great tip for customizers

2008-07-31T14:43:00.003-04:00

Don't like how the neck came out on your custom? Hide it under the mane! Don't like how the withers came out on your custom? Hide it under the mane! Don't like how the topline came out on your custom? Hide it under the mane!

Lovely paint job though!

Life in outer space!

2008-07-31T14:41:00.003-04:00

Because there's sure no gravitational field where this horse is running loose!

Submitted by Suzanne Feld

Talk About Old-Style Bulldog QHs...

2008-07-31T14:39:00.004-04:00

More Bull than Bulldog! My hind fetlocks would collapse if I had all that weight too!

Don't know what's more disturbing...

2008-07-31T14:37:00.003-04:00

The blotchy purple color....

Or the weird unbending legs

A Moldy Hackney and its Parasitic Twin

2008-07-31T14:36:00.003-04:00

Bad enough to be afflicted with a resin horse equivalent of the Elephant Man's disease, but to have a little humanoid parasite attached to your butt...that's the last straw!

If Elasta-Girl Had a Mule...

2008-07-31T14:35:00.002-04:00

...it could do this too!

I'm Melllllting! Mellllllting!

2008-07-31T14:32:00.003-04:00

Oftentimes hobbyists will soak their models in a bleach mixture to whiten them up or to strip the paint. Sometimes hobbyists mistakenly use pure bleach. Sometimes hobbyists leave the models in waaaay too long. And that's when things like this happen:

Tip-Toe, Thru The Tulips...

2008-07-31T14:30:00.007-04:00

Daintily picking our way, hopefully to a veterinarian to have that big abscess on our neck lanced! Nice color though!

Bloaty Jr.

2008-07-31T14:30:00.003-04:00

I lost out on the bidding for this disturbing little fella, but I have his picture, by gum!

I'd look astonished, too!

2008-07-31T14:29:00.002-04:00

If I began galloping off and found my back leg inexplicably immobile!

Some things don't NEED to be made into models...

2008-07-31T14:28:00.005-04:00

O, I could do a whole Blog on birthing models.... but I won't

I love the expression on the mare's face..."what the HELL????".

Then there's this one. This customizer has done an entire series of mares giving birth, and my dream (nightmare) is to be able to highlight each and every one of them here!

Hmm, that mare's expression is also "What the HELL?" Maybe it's a universal Mare Face when they discover a super-huge foal with no hind legs has popped out of their butts!

Or maybe she's concerned she's about to be run over by that giant car in the background! Run Away!!!

Y'Know, some Tilex would clean up that mildew problem

2008-07-31T14:25:00.004-04:00

Guess the summer's been so humid, even the models have stuff growing on 'em.

Clowns are scary enough...

2008-07-31T14:23:00.001-04:00

Without CLOWN HORSES!!!

Breyer Clones Are Disturbing!

2008-07-31T14:22:00.003-04:00

Remember that bit in "Alien 4" where Ripley finds all those mutant deformed clones of herself? Yeah, kind of like that.

Quack... no...Whinney.... no...Quack?

2008-07-31T14:21:00.002-04:00

I'm speechless. Totally.

Freaky Multi-Headed Hydra Hand Horse from Hell

2008-07-31T14:20:00.002-04:00

EEEEAAAAAAAGH!!!

Here's Looking At You, Kid

2008-07-31T14:19:00.002-04:00

For some reason I'm reminded of Wallace & Grommit. CHEEEESE!

Creepy Cannibalized Caballos

2008-07-31T14:17:00.003-04:00

Found these beauties on eBay, the listing states they're made with real horsehair! Now whether that means horse-HIDE or just the mane and tails...you be the judge.

I had some of those old "furhide" horses back in the '70's until the little beetles found them and ate all the hair off. THEN they were REALLY creepy looking!

Help, I've Fallen!

2008-07-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

You know the rest... Poor thing broke its legs in the fall!

A True Drinker of the Wind

2008-07-30T15:05:00.002-04:00

C'mon, he's got to be athletic with those nostrils!

Those Wonderful Marx Dead Horses!

2008-07-30T15:02:00.004-04:00

What's more disturbing that little toy dead and dying horses! Hooray, it's fun to play with Marx toys!

Me Robo-Horse!

2008-07-30T15:01:00.001-04:00

Does he poop nuts and bolts?

Proof that DEs are Universal

2008-07-30T15:00:00.002-04:00

There's even Disturbing Equines in Africa!

Back When Big Hair was Big

2008-07-30T14:59:00.002-04:00

I like the colors!

The Rare Czeck Porcelain...

2008-07-30T14:57:00.003-04:00

...or Italian, or Venetian...this one pops up on eBay and in antique malls all the time, always from a different country. I paid $1 for mine at a local thrift store, obviously they didn't know what a rare find they had!

I think it's the large, fleshy pink mouth that disturbs the most

2008-07-30T14:55:00.003-04:00

And the sultry upwards gaze, and the lumpy hindquarters...

Here's one for Animal Cops!

2008-07-30T14:51:00.004-04:00

They don't have money for hay, but plenty of money for horse lipstick!

Best Use for a Barbie Horse!

2008-07-30T14:49:00.003-04:00

Domo Aregato, Mr. Roboto

2008-07-30T14:48:00.002-04:00

Er, I think it's equine...

Love That Blueberry Pie!

2008-07-30T14:46:00.004-04:00

Yum Yum!

Insert Green Horse Joke Here

2008-07-30T14:46:00.002-04:00

Yeah, too easy.